my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
