meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
