Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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