I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
