Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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