Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just cut my nipple shaving
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
