i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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