Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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