so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
