Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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