Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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