i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
