Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
