bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
