Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
