theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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