omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
