I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
