the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
