so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
