I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
