Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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