Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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