you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
