You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
