i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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