Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
