I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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