I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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