You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
