3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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