its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
