I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
