You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
