he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
