the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
