after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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