wanna go halves on a baby?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm too high and old for this...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
