what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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