was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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