I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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