I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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