the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
