The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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