I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
