The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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