saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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