I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
