i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
