i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
