I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
