I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ketchup is God's man juice
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My penis needs a shock collar
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
