i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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