I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
