bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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