im having a threesome with these popsicles
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
