Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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