Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
