At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
