brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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