i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
