Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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