pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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