Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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