Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Congratulations! We have a period
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
