i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
