hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
