That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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