No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I did not marry a roomba.
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