I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
