I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
