Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
