You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
