How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
