U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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