I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize