Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
